That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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