The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
