so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
