my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
