still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
