just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
