Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
