Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
