I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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