i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
