Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
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