Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
