well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
