that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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