i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
