Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
