ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Who put my cat in the fridge?
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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