no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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