I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
