Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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