i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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