Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize