I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Randomize
