i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
