it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
