I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
