This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I fill condoms, not promises.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Randomize
