How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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