I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
