Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
