just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
But theres a keg here and me gusta
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
