Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
