I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
