My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
