i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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