If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
