The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
