he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize