WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
