anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
