all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
