I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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