Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
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