Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
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