but the lizard people decide everything anyway
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize