I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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