my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
