haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I am spending my child support on dildos
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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