my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Randomize
