ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Randomize