Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
My vagina is officially offended.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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