okay pat passed out under dana's car
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
