It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
