I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I can't turn off my feet"
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Randomize
