I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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