i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
