I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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