Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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