totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
