Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
