I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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