Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
