she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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