sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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