i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
