What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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