Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
you win again, gameday.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
