Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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