I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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