I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I forgot how hot balto sounded
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize